Getting ready for CHRISTMAS!!!

 This is my favorite time of year! I love the holidays and I'm so glad I get to enjoy them off of the couch!! Yay! Getting the tree ready this year was really fun because Avery is old enough to know what's going on, and she was loving getting all the decorations out. She talks about Santa on a daily bases and thinks he should be coming every night. I'm so excited for her reaction this year!!

Our two prized possessions!

Our little man, Konner!

Whew, things are starting to feel normal around our house again! So here's a little update. Konner got to come home from the NICU on Saturday. We were so excited! He is such a sweet little boy! He doesn't cry much just when he's hungry or you're messing with him, like changing him or something and even then, it's just for a second. It's definitely a challenge getting used to getting up throughout the night, but I definitely enjoy the cuddle time. Erik is amazing too! He is so willing to get up with him and does often, even though he has to get up super early to study. I am so grateful for him, he is such a good husband and daddy! I am healing nicely and so relieved to be off of bed rest, still have my uterus and have this nightmare over with!! Thank you to all of those who helped us! I know you had to do it often and we are so grateful!!!

A Konner update!!

I am home, my surgery went awesome!!! I didn't have the placenta acreta and I got to keep my uterus! So more babies for us! However, we need to get the one we had home first. Konner went into the NICU right after he was born. He had a hard time getting the eating thing down but I guess that's common at that gestation. So they fed him through a feeding tube. Then they started feeding him with a bottle. They want him to eat a certain amount without falling asleep. Okay, what baby doesn't fall asleep while eating?! I'm beyond frustrated so if you've texted me and I haven't answered, it's because I have been overwhelmed with texts and I'm about to have a break down. I want my baby home, I want some answers and every time I ask the nurses, they say one more day, one more day. I'm going absolutely crazy! So crazy, that we've called our pediatrician to see if they can help us out! We're sick of no answers. All they say is he needs to eat a certain amount without falling asleep. It's really upsetting me. Hopefully this weekend, I will have better news. Until then, I am a nervous wreck!

What am I thinking??

Yesterday, we found out we are going to get to have our little Konner next Friday. What am I thinking? I'm thrilled! I can't wait to meet this little guy but also, I am very scared. I've had a c-section before but that's not what I am scared about. I'm scared about what they are going to find in there, which could quite possibly be a placenta that has fused to my uterus. I could bleed immensely, need a transfusion and possibly loose my uterus. That is hard to swallow. Someone telling you you can't have anymore kids is awful, and I may get lucky and that may not happen. I'm really hoping so but when I think about getting pregnant again and going through this kind of stuff again, I panic. It will take me a long time to get over this and be brave enough to do it again. At least I am feeling one thing and that is so ready!!! I will be 37 weeks and so done. I can't sleep at night. I'm always hurting and uncomfortable, but I've been trying to enjoy this because I have to wonder if this is the last time I will feel a little baby moving around inside of me. :(

Happy Halloween!

Although this year we didn't get to do the normal festivities of going to pumpkin patches and such, we still had fun and I'm so glad I was able to make Avery's costume and be home to get her ready for the trunk or treat. I probably shouldn't have went but I didn't want to miss out on the fun for my little punk rocker. I just sat in a chair at the car and handed out candy while Erik took her around to the other trunks. I'm just so grateful I wasn't hanging out in the hospital!! Avery had so much fun and she loved her costume!! I love getting her all dressed up for Halloween, it's one of my favorite things!

My baby shower!!!

This past weekend, my two besties threw me a baby shower! I am so relieved this shower didn't have to take place in the hospital because we thought it was going to. The location was switched three times but we made it and got to celebrate. It was more than I had even hoped for! My girlies sure know how to throw a party and all those who came, it meant so much to me. It was so nice to be surrounded by people, chit chat and just feel somewhat normal again. I have felt like a prisoner now for almost a month, so I loved having a bunch of girls around giggling! Felt like home! Konner got such great stuff and I'm so excited to use it all! Thanks again everyone and thanks for a wonderful shower Kati and Lara!

 Nicole and me. Wow I have a fat face. Can't wait for that to be gone :)

The best girls ever, Kati and Lara!

Home again!!!

So the terrible incident that occurred two weeks ago occurred once again at 2:30 a.m. Monday morning. Just like the first time, I just started bleeding. Got out of bed and headed for the hospital. They admitted me and Erik and Avery went home for the rest of the night. I am so blessed to have great friends who were so willing to take Avery and make this experience a lot easier on us. Thank you guys so much for everything! I definitely didn't think I was getting out this time. Every time I spoke to my doctor that is the impression he gave me. I could tell he wanted to play it safe. (Can't blame him) But the idea of being in the hospital for a month while passing my child around and my husband loosing his mind cause he's in dental school full time and doesn't have time for the madness that had now been placed on his shoulders was killing me. I laid there feeling helpless. The strangest part was the night I was admitted, the monitor said I was contracting every 4 to 5 minutes. Not good, which is probably what caused the bleeding. The contracting is squeezing that low lying placenta. So they gave me probably the most painful shot I have ever had to stop the contractions of course another huge I.V. just in case I needed a blood transfusion, blood draw and two shots in my butt for Konner's lungs. Yes, not very fun! My wrists have no other spots for an I.V. and they are getting scared from each one. Lucky for me a doctor surprised Erik and I last night when he came in and said I could go. He said I may just end up right back there but there's probably no reason I couldn't be doing at home what I'm doing in the hospital. So true! So he gave me medication to slow any contractions and hopefully stop my uterus from squeezing that placenta!  I won't lie, last night was tough for me to sleep. I was so scared I would wake up in blood again. I woke up like every hour to make sure everything was ok. I set alarms to take my meds and empty my bladder cause apparently a full bladder can make you have contractions. I've wondered cause it seemed to in my case. Please pray for me. I just want to make it a few more weeks and then he can just come out and all of this can be past us!

Tis the season!!

This is one of the reasons I looooooove fall!! I don't drink coffee however, I have a passion for something at Starbucks so for those of you that don't drink coffee but get sick of hot chocolate, this is one of my favorite things! PUMPKIN SPICE STEAMED MILK!!!! Okay yum!!! It is delicious! The cashier might look at you funny but just tell  him/her this is what you want and they will make it! I always get skim (makes me feel better :) ) My sweet husband picked me up one of these last night cause he knows how much I love it! This drink comes highly recommend by me throughout the holiday season!!

Looking forward to............

As I sit here each day wishing I could just get up and do whatever I want, I try and think about the things I am grateful for and the things I am looking forward to. I am so blessed to be able to be at home right now. I am so blessed to have awesome friends, family both extended and immediate. I have the gospel, which enables me to put all my trust in the Lord because I know that He's watching out for me and won't abandon me. I know my prayers were answered each time I prayed for comfort. How lost I would be without that truth in my life. I have a beautiful baby boy growing inside of me and I can't wait to be his mom! I have a great life and the plans for our family make me smile everyday! Truly I cannot complain cause I have it so well! The things I look forward to are:
1. Finishing and seeing Avery in her Halloween costume. I'm hoping I get that opportunity and am not in the hospital!
2. Avery's third birthday! Ahhh I can't even believe we are to that point. It's certainly bitter sweet. She's not going to have a super big party like I had planned but we will do our best to make it special for her.
3.. Konner's safe arrival. I can't wait to cuddle this little guy. I just hope he gets to come home with me when the time comes.
4..The holidays with family! I love the holidays and I'm so glad this should be over before then. I love making baked goods, listening to Christmas music and taking Avery to the fun festivities. Not to mention I can't wait to Christmas shop for that little monkey! She's at such a fun age I have some good ideas piling up!

Thinking about these things help me get through my days on the couch. I'm so lucky and can't wait for these things to occur! Life is good!

This experience has been..........sigh...............

Thursday started out like any other day. I didn't feel that good or energetic but those days come and go during pregnancy. I wasn't up for doing much that day so I decided to stay home and take it easy. I did the same ol' house hold tasks but pretty much just didn't go anywhere. After I made and cleaned up dinner, got Avery into bed, I climbed into bed myself and read a book. After studying, Erik came in not too long after and we turned off the lights to go to sleep. About twenty five minutes later, I felt something that didn't feel right, a trickle of some sort. My first thought was that my water broke. I went into the bathroom, flipped on the lights only to find a puddle of blood and more coming. I panicked because although I knew a lot of women with placenta previa bleed during pregnancy, I was not expecting it at all. I had made it 30 weeks with no problems, and I guess I just got cocky and thought I would be fine. I started calling for Erik because it didn't seem to want to stop. We called the hospital and they said I needed to go right in. My thought was that I would go in, they would check things out and I would go home. Not so much. They put me on a fetal monitor for a couple of hours then admitted me into the hospital. I slept there alone, scared of what would happen next. Next morning, a perionatalogist came in and did an ultrasound. This is where it got harry. He said Konner looks awesome! Whew, that was good news. But, he had another concern. My placenta previa appeared as though it might be fusing with my uterus. (That's not supposed to happen). When that happens, it makes it difficult or impossible for the placenta to detach after the baby is born. Lot's of blood can be lost and most importantly, my uterus could have to be taken out. That was devastating. A blood transfusion and the loss of my uterus. NO MORE BABIES!!! I didn't know what to do or think. I was in shock. It was not what I was expecting at all. He said the ultrasound couldn't give him a definite answer as to whether or not it's fused to my uterus so, he ordered an MRI to try and get a better look. Those results, inconclusive as well :(  So basically the plan is to be prepared to take out my uterus, and have blood on hand for a transfusion if necessary. If all goes well then great, but I'm not too optimistic. Good news is, they would leave my ovaries so I wouldn't have to take hormones or anything. I would be the same just no uterus to carry anymore babies. After crying over the possible loss of my uterus, I've finally come to terms with it. At least I've been able to have babies and Konner is doing great, which is such a relief. If not, that would be the icing on the crap cake! After four days of not bleeding I was released and am now on bed rest. I've had lots of shots, iv's, blood draws all in preparation for Konner's early arrival. Our goal, keep him in for at least another month. Fingers crossed. If I bleed again, I have to live in the hospital till he arrives. I discovered there are women that have been there for 28 weeks. Oh how selfish and foolish I felt. It could be so much worse and I'm so grateful that they discovered this problem because had I not bled, they wouldn't have known the status of my placenta and it would have been a mess in the operating room. Now they can be prepared for the worst. My goal: come up with something for these women who are living in the hospital. My heart goes out to them! Not being able to wake up to your kids and kiss them good night. It's the worst thing in the world and I'm so grateful to be home with my sweet husband and Avery, even if that means I have to lay on the couch.